Before going to a LADY’s house for S£X, Please read this to stay safe

Jana I received an urgent SMS from a long term Buddy. In the message, he asked me to take care of his family after he is gone. I tried calling, but he was not picking. After 2 hours, he finally called and told me he had a near death experience.

He had some secret affair with a young lady who supplies clothes in their office. So, jana after some negotiations, he ended up in her house. He had gone there to take “lunch” after taking first lunch at . So, just as he had started munching the second”lunch”, he heard some vigorous knocking on the door. Followed by some commanding thunderous voice­ “Susan… Fungua Mrago!! Najua uko ndani. His body froze and he started sweating profusely. He asked Susan if she had a Mzee… And she hesitated, just covering herself in a Leso as she rushed to the door.

My buddy knew that his final day on earth had come. He had no option but to hide under the bed. Ominously, under the bed he found a page of the Obituaries. He thought of what he would remembered for ­ Simba that died in the battlefield or Ng’ombe aliye kufa na nyasi kwa mdomo. That’s when he sent me SMS. However just after sending message ­ Susan came back relieved… It was the House Agent. She had not paid the December Rent, and since it was 5th of January, and the guy wanted to put second padlock.

I then reminded him of a very crucial rule of engagement ­ Never ever ever ever remove your trouser in a house that you do not know how the rent is paid. If saitan decides to cheat you to eat a second lunch afadhali ulipe rent ya 300 kwa Lodge. Anyway, that was just some piece of advice to those that want to stay alive in 2017 Via GORDON OPIYO

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